Why Researchers Think Women Should Settle

     Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit dramatic about it, but I don't think I agree with what this study is saying. The Journal of Family Psychology recently published a research study that suggests that if a woman marries a less attractive man, she is likelier to have a more fulfilling marriage.

     Apparently, what the study found was that when women are in relationships with men who are better looking than they are, their mates tend to be less supportive and attentive because they know they can do better and have other options. On the other hand, men who are less attractive tend to feel so grateful to be with someone who is better-looking, that they are more likely to be supportive, attentive and please you more in bed, ultimately leading to a happy relationship.

     What this says to me is that good-looking guys are shallow assholes who will treat you like shit because you don't look like Kim Kardashian. This is a broad subject that has led to a very narrow conclusion. There is more to a woman's beauty than the size of her waist and the curve of her face. A man, like women, takes into consideration more than just her outer beauty. A woman's inner beauty can make her so much more beautiful on the outside. So even if her man is physically better-looking than she is, he can--and should-- feel lucky to be with her regardless.

     Yes, there is a good moral to this: looks should not be everything. A woman should not choose a guy simply based on his looks, and she should know that she deserves to be treated with the utmost care and respect. With that said, can't we have the same moral for men? Shouldn't they be okay with less attractive women? Shouldn't people who aren't considered conventionally beautiful still be aware that they have many options as well, and don't have to settle?

     I could go on and on about this topic, but I won't. I simply want to make a point: we all have options and we shouldn't ever just settle because we think it might not get much better. With that said, we should not have unrealistic expectations of who we want our mates to be. When you find someone who makes you feel the way you want to feel, I think you'll know it and it will happen the way it's supposed to happen. Meanwhile, I encourage you to read more about this and I'm curious to hear what you come up with.

Fantasia Barrino Continued...

     I apologize for the hiatus on my blog. As you may know, I am a college student and this week I served as a volunteer on campus to help welcome in the new freshman. So occasionally, I will be too overwhelmed with school and work responsibilities to update. But I'll try to get to it as much as I can.

     The reason I am doing this post is because my very first post was a comparison on how Fantasia Barrino and Alicia Keys, both allegedly in affairs with married men, were each treated by the media. In the post, based on an article I read on theroot.com, I mentioned how their skin color could possibly be one of the reasons Fantasia was treated much more harshly than Alicia. This article was a real debate-starter and got the wheels turning in my mind as well.

     Fantasia has just recently revealed in an interview with Vibe magazine that she believes the reason she was treated differently was because of her skin tone and ethnic features. In the interview, she takes it a step further, saying she believes her skin tone, ethnic features, and short hair also got her excluded from red carpet coverage spreads in popular magazines.

     In my opinion, Fantasia took something that the black media was saying in her defense and ran with it as far as she could. Now, while I do believe her skin tone played a part, it is very unlikely that was the whole reason she was treated differently from the Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolies. Fantasia claims that it was difficult being on American Idol, where everyone was "barbied out," as she she says.

     But she forgets to mention that she won the competition. Despite being a teen single mother, dark-skinned, and having a full nose and full lips, the American audience still voted her the winner. With all the pressure and embarrassment following her suicide attempt, I think Fantasia is now trying to play the victim card. And, in my opinion, all this press and all these interviews are putting her back in the spotlight conveniently close to the release of her album.

     Going back to American Idol, she is held to different standards than celebrities not affiliated with that name. And not only that, but her scandal, unlike the others, involved the possible existence of a sex tape. People want to know that the person they rooted for and voted for is not a sex-tape-making, shameless homewrecker. Alicia Keys got into this business on her own accord, and Angelina Jolie already had a reputation as a rebel. The American public feel like Fantasia was made into a star only with their support.

     Fantasia can use the race card as much as she wants, but there are many other factors involved that she overlooked in her haste to defend herself. And if there's one thing that annoys me, it's when people don't own up and try to play the victim instead. What do you think about the situation?
   

Now Playing...Roisin Murphy

     Recently, I discovered an artist whose music I've heard for a long time, but only now have I given her a try. The result...I love it!! The Irish singer's name has become more familiar to the American public in recent months following a controversy including Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga has become a phenomenon thanks to her incredibly unique style and infectious pop songs. However, her orginality was doubted when the rare gem that is Roisin Murphy was uncovered and it turned out that Gaga might have been biting her style big time in side-by-side photo comparisons. While the styles are somewhat similar, I must say these two artists are quite different. Roisin has a sinister, quirky aesthetic that I absolutely love and this is one of my faves from her.






Unzip my body, take my heart out. Cause I need a beat to give this tune. So cherry.

Till Then My Windows Ache

(Photo Courtesy of Brian Uhreen.)

I adore Neruda. Everything about his poetry suggests to me he was filled with the purest love a man ever dared to experience. And he was extraordinarily gifted at expressing it in words. Everyone gushes about Love Sonnet XVII, and, though I love it, I have become increasingly agitated that no one pays the other sonnets any mind. Because I, too, feel lovelorn at the moment, I will share with you a gem. One of my many favorites from Neruda. Enjoy.

Matilde, where are you? Down there I noticed,

under my necktie and just above the heart,

a certain pang of grief between the ribs,

you were gone that quickly.

I needed the light of your energy,

I looked around, devouring hope.

I watched the void without you that is like a house,

nothing left but tragic windows.

Out of sheer taciturnity the ceiling listens

to the fall of the ancient leafless rain,

to feathers, to whatever the night imprisoned:

so I wait for you like a lonely house

till you will see me again and live in me.

Till then my windows ache.

 

 

~Pablo Neruda

 

10 Beauty Things That Guys Find Sexy

     As a woman, I know how it is to obsess over every damn detail of your body. From your hair down to your toes and every curve and jiggle in between. We're all on a constant mission to achieve the perfect body. The bad news: guys really don't care. They love the jiggle, the un-flattened hair, the chemical-free face, and even our embarrassing, oddball habits. If you don't believe it, the proof is in this list from MSN Lifestyle:

1. When you bare it all. Apparently, the average woman (certainly not I) spends about $200 a year on makeup. That's gross. But most men would rather see us bare and natural. Two guys are quoted verbalizing their disdain for lip gloss and all its sticky wonder. Other guys gush over how beautiful their girlfriends look first thing in the morning and when they've just gotten out of the shower. One guy even claims he was attracted to his girlfriend because she didn't wear makeup and therefore appeared as if she didn't care to be noticed. Think about that the next time you decide to torture yourself with that awful mess put on makeup.

2. Your belly. All those hours spent doing doing countless ab exercises in an attempt to flatten your belly, or "fit into your jeans by Friday" (as if) are wasted if you're doing them to impress your guy. Chances are, he loves your curves, the rotundness of your belly, and, yes....your love handles.

3. When you do that thing you do. Your funky little habits that others find unbearable, he may actually find adorable. Whether it's your terrible shower tunes, your love of celebrity culture (ahem), or your messiness. He may actually grow to love the quirky thing that makes you...well, you.

4. When you toss the hair dryer. And by hair dryer, that means flatiron, curling iron, and all other fancy hair products that take up too much of your time. He actually likes your hair curly the way it is. Now, I'm adding my own disclaimer for black girls: I give you....a free pass. Because the world will never understand what we go through and what our hair looks like sans treatment (and we don't intend for them to find out).

5. Your eyelashes. Strange, but it seems that the eyelashes may be the hallway that leads to the window to your soul. Men say they love women's eyelashes because it draws them into their eyes. Oh la la.

6. Your legs. Must I go on? Side note: I've been seeing too many women who bare their legs but neglect to shave. Please stop.

7. Your style! This one makes me particularly happy because I've always been ragged on about my style. You either love my wackiness and boldness or it makes you wanna vomit. But it's good to know that a guy will appreciate my desire to express myself through clothing, no matter how flamboyant. And your guy likes it, too. So you don't have to wear painful heels all the time or compete with Hollywood's leading "fashionistas". Just be yourself.

8. Your scent. Rawr. Men love it even more than we do! So next time while choosing a perfume or spray, pick a really nice scent that could possibly be your signature. He loves it when he can smell it on his sheets when you leave and how everytime he gets a whiff of it, he thinks of you.

9. When you ask for what you want. Men are not mind readers and they don't like to be treated as if they are. What is more frustrating than trying to figure out what someone wants when they refuse to tell you...and then they complain that they're not getting what they want! The best way to avoid this: be upfront and a little aggressive. If he's not doing the right things in bed, tell him what to do. He'll love it...and you will, too.

10. Your job. Not any job in particular, but yours. It may be that you work around kids, and he loves to see you around them because you're great with them. Or, that he loves to see you in your three-piece suit looking powerful and smart. Whatever it is, he loves to see you doing something you're passionate about and good at. It shows him you're intelligent, capable, and independent.

(Photo courtesy of Sue.)

10 Things All Single People Must Do

     I found this really cool list on Yahoo that I think would really help out some single people out there. The main reason why single people hate being single, in my opinion, is a lack of independence and self-esteem. I hear a lot of people (mostly girls) complain about how miserable they are being single, but they don't see the positive things that come out of being your own person. This list should give you somewhere to start, although number two kinda creeps me out (BTW this is verbatim from the article):

1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome.

2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days.

3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again.

 4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out!

5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive.

6. Have a real adventure. Learn to fly a plane, surf some big waves, or start your own business. Give yourself a thrill by doing something just for you, just for the experience — without having someone at home worrying about you or nagging you not to. Oh, and one more gift with purchase: Think about how much fun you’ll have telling your next date about your daring experience.

7. Learn how to take care of yourself. Being solo shouldn’t keep you from cooking for yourself, so learn how to make an impressive meal for one (even if it’s mac and cheese with your own added favorite extra thrown in). While you’re at it, learn how to back up your hard drive and sew on replacement buttons. You’ll feel strong and self-sufficient — and you’ll be armed with skills to share when you are in a relationship.

8. Buy something hugely impractical just because you love it. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll start thinking about your partner before you purchase pricey items — not just “Will he or she hate it?” but “Is this where I want to be putting my money if we’re saving for a wedding?” The single life means a single bank account and an excuse to blow a wad of cash without (some of the) guilt. So, make yourself happy and buy something you crave, whether it’s an expensive vintage movie poster or a decked-out mountain bike.

9. Develop a hobby. Learn to woodwork, play acoustic guitar, speak French, DJ on turntables, or make digital short films for fun. Of course you can (and should) still have hobbies when you’re dating someone, but your solo time is prime time to devote yourself to something that makes life more interesting for you — and makes you more interesting to others.


10. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. Why? Because you’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you.


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     Remember, if you need a significant other to make you feel whole, you're probably suffering from low self-esteem. It's okay to want a lover every now and then, but you don't need it. You're probably more likely to end up settling for less than you deserve. Appreciate the freedom that comes with being single. Following these might help boost your confidence. Or, just hire a therapist.

(Photo courtesy of Lachlan Rogers.)

What's the Most F-ed Up Thing You Can Think Of? Ok, Now My Turn.

     A man in Orange County has just been arrested for.....ejaculating in a female co-worker's water bottle...twice. TMZ reported the story earlier. Yes, TMZ.

     According to officials from the O.C. District Attorney's office, the man walked into his co-worker's office in January and rubbed one out into her water bottle, which she went on to drink. But after consuming the water, she felt "sick and irritated" and threw the bottle away.
  
     Three months later, the victim and the suspect were both transferred to another branch...where he struck again. And she drank it...again. This time, however, after feeling sick, the woman saved the bottle and sent it to a lab to be tested. The results allegedly confirmed that the water bottle contained semen. And the DNA was later connected to the suspect.

     The victim has now hired famed attorney Gloria Allred to represent her. They should just hand her the money right now. This story deserves to be told...to everyone you know. Now that I've disturbed you...I'll watch you squirm as you drink your next bottle of water.

The "N-Word"...Again

     *Sigh* Countless discussions, debates, arguments have led nowhere apparently. I cannot recall how many times I have had this discussion with numerous people to no avail. And the word "nigger" keeps creeping up to the consciousness of our society again and again. This time, talk radio host Dr. Laura Schlessinger is the bad guy who dared to not just utter the word, but blurt it out...over and over again. Eleven times, to be exact. After years and years of this issue being pummeled and beaten unconscious by society, it still has not died. In fact, I'm forced to accept that many white people, unbeknownst to us black people, use the word.
    
     Honestly, why should we blame them? Why are we being so hypocritical and childish, demanding that we have free use of the word to our hearts content yet no one else should have the audacity to merely think about using the word. Can't we just retire it completely?

     What do we really get out of using that word? A lot of black people defend the usage, saying they are reclaiming the word when it just appears to me that they are simply keeping it alive. When a white guy is listening to rap music in the privacy of his bedroom, do you think he skips over the n-word knowing that no one is around? And what happens if he then accidently blurts it out while no longer in the confines of his room? He's a racist, right?

     Some black people even now put their own twist on what the word means. I recall back in middle school I was friends with an Asian girl who was well-known among the black community as "one of us." She talked like us, dressed like us, listened to the same music, and lived in the same poverty. One day, as a group of us were standing around checking out the cute guys passing by she  shouted out, "Damn, that nigga is fine!"

     I looked around immediately, fearing that the black girls around her would be angry, but no one seemed to mind. I later approached on of my black friends who had witnessed the occasion and asked why that didn't bother her. "Who cares?" she said. "'Nigga' is just another way of saying 'good-looking guy'."

     It seems that every black person has a different  opinion about the word, and that's when the debate gets messy. After reading a post on theroot.com about the incident with Dr. Laura, I must admit they made a good point: Why do we give people like that the power to work our nerves?

     Dr. Laura has since quit her radio show because of all the backlash from the word, but why do we allow that word to get us so riled up? And it does give them an awful lot of power knowing that by merely uttering that one word, they can ruin our entire day. What people neglected was that in the same day, Dr. Laura went on to accuse the majority of the black population for voting for Obama only because of his race.

     People were so blinded by the word, that they failed to recognize how much more insulting that is to our intelligence and our integrity. We don't just vote for any black person who runs for office. Condoleeza Rice is a black person, however, she does not have much support from the black community. Why? Because black people tend to be Democrats and vote that way.

     I'm retiring this issue for now with this final thought: It's not that serious. Stop using it if you don't want to hear it. Enough already.

Discovering Franco

     I recently came across a brilliant piece of work by New York Magazine. One of the writers, Sam Anderson, wrote an intriguing, complex profile of actor James Franco. Franco is known for the insanely good looks that led him to be the face of Gucci's most recent ad campaign as well as his roles in films such as "Spiderman" and "Pineapple Express" (shout out to all my fellow "Freaks and Geeks" lovers!). In 2008, Franco impressed the world when he decided to attend graduate school at NYU, but that quickly diminshed when a risible picture of him asleep in a lecture class began circulating the internet. The world let out a big scoff, followed by arrogant cries of, "I knew it." Franco, they assumed, got a free pass because of his looks and his name. They shook their heads and brushed him off as a burnout, much like his "Freaks and Geeks" character, Daniel Desario.

     In this profile, Franco acknowledges constantly being compared to the characters he has played. From being called a homosexual for his roles in films such as "Milk" and "Howl" to being called a pothead because of his roles in "Freaks and Geeks" and "Pineapple Express", Franco is consistently misunderstood and perpetually mysterious.

     But what the world doesn't know about him is that the picture of him sleeping was not, in fact, in one of his classes, but a lecture he wanted to sit in on after an entire day of classes and work because he wanted to hear the speaker.

     Classmates, professors, and friends alike insist that Franco is one of the most hardworking people. Currently, the Renaissance man is enrolled in three different colleges, bouncing around New York just to make all of his classes, flying around the world to continue his acting, and taking on several other projects. And, much to the surprise of the world, he does not smoke, drink, or do drugs.

     In fact, he could not even possibly find the time to do so. Franco appears to be, in the most bizarre way, a kind of Superman who can take on many things at once with extreme focus. And a man who is proudly heterosexual, but not afraid to be called a homosexual and pose connfidently for the cover of Out magazine. Franco has gone from being just a pretty face to being taken seriously as an actor, scholar, and all-around artist.

   From the most mystifying gestures (see, in profile: The Wink) to the violent and obscene art show he participates in, and even the sad, sweet, humorous reaction four-year-old Franco had upon hearing about the death of a family friend, Anderson exposes Franco boldly while never really being able to solve the mystery. Nevertheless, it's a fascinating read (albeit an 8-page one), and serves as a magnificent example of what a profile should be to all aspiring journalists......and Franco lovers. =)


(Photo Courtesy of Ann.)

Alicia Keys Vs. Fantasia Barrino

     Hey, guys! So, this is officially my first blog post! I am no stranger to blogging, so I suppose it's not that big of a deal, but this is my first personal blog, so I am completely responsible for making it a good one.
  

     To start off, I would like to address two stories that have been taking the media by storm: Fantasia Barrino's appalling affair with a married man, and Alicia Keys' fairytale ending with a man who she allegledly began dating while he was still married. Unless you've been living under a rock, you've seen these stories plastered on the cover of tabloids galore. But an important question to ponder: these two ladies are in the same situation, so why are they being treated completely different by the mainstream media?
    
     As I was reading an article on theroot.com this morning, they dared to delve deeper into this by posing the question: "Is it that Keys is too pretty to be pummeled?"
    
     With this, the author carefully approaches the topic of beauty in our culture, considering that the reason might be Alicia's ethereal biracial looks compared to Barrino's tatted, dark-skinned appearance. Could it be that the media melted at the sight of a goddess-like, slightly tanned Alicia sealing the romance with a beautiful wedding in which she donned a gorgeous white dress and adorable baby bump as opposed to Fantasia sealing her romance with a tasteless tattoo of the man's last name on her shoulder?

     Or, the author suggests, is it the antithetic backrounds and rise to fame of the two stars? While both are extremely talented, only Keys has risen to superstar fame and is on the road to possible legendary status. Could it be that our culture respects Keys' struggle as she fought her way into the music industry like so many artists do? And although she was raised in Hell's Kitchen in New York by a single mother, it is notable that Keys did graduate as valedictorian in her performing arts school at the age of 16, going on to attend the prestigious Columbia University. All that while Barrino lived in poverty, being molested as a child, never having graduated from high school, barely being able to read, and being a teen mother. Yet, Barrino had an almost easy ride to the top, being catapulted there by a winning stint on American Idol.

     The article is truly an insightful and eye-opening one for those who have never given this issue much thought, and I encourage you to read it in its entirety.