Blood, Sweat,…Flats

I've always wondered how women manage to stroll around New York City with skyscraper-like heels like it's nothing. I don't regularly take cabs nor do I have the luxury of being driven around in a town car so, in my NYC experience, there's a lot of walking involved. Plenty of commuters (specifically those commuting to and from work) slip out of the heels and into something more practical until they've reached their destination, but I guess what the truth comes down to is this: some women are just pushing way past the pain.

Well, on tonight's episode of Bravo's new hit reality television show Blood, Sweat and Heels, former video model Melyssa Ford admitted she's one of those women. But as her boss brazenly told her, if you really wanna get stuff accomplished, stop trying to look cute and get some flats, girl. So I'm assuming (rather, hoping) that the women strutting around in heels have already paid their dues in flats.

Demetria (center, left) was our featured speaker
back in 2011 (I'm on the far right in bright yellow!).

Okay, I'm jumping into this a little fast. Let's start from the beginning. BSH premiered last week on Bravo to the highest first-time ratings in the network's reality-focused history. It features six women balancing success and their personal lives in the Concrete Jungle. Admittedly, the only two I know are Melyssa Ford and Demetria Lucas. Demetria, of course, is a journalist, blogger and author whom, a few years back, my organization hired to speak at our event when I was still at Temple.

We all knew her as an editor of Essence magazine and as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw" (a title bestowed upon her by the very own Washington Post) so we were excited that such a prominent figure in the media industry was even giving our little start-up the time of day. Demetria and I met again a week ago (she remembered!) when she threw a premiere viewing party in Brooklyn. I had made it from MD -> Philly -> NYC following her formula and she was as fabulous and pleasant as ever. We hugged, she gave me some advice and we even high-fived about being honest

Reunited a little over 2 years later at
the premiere party of BSH in BK.

journalists who don't hold back and don't apologize for our audacity.

If it hadn't been for the fact that Demetria was on the show, it honestly would've probably slipped under my radar. After all, when you premiere three new shows a week, it becomes a bit much and the quality starts to lack, Bravo. I still have mixed reactions to it but, so far, I can't say I'm disappointed. One of the things that stuck out to me was how real the girls are. When there are reality shows in existence called Rich Kids of Beverly Hills, you start to get the feeling that these shows are here only to remind you that you're a bum and other people eat meals that cost more than your rent.

It was nice to see on tonight's episode that nobody was putting on airs about the lifestyle they live. Melyssa Ford, especially, has been a pleasant surprise. She's a very likable woman and is clearly not one to stir the pot. She also has the potential to be making a lot of money on her name but is instead choosing to turn over a new leaf and do it the hard way. After a break-up with a high-rolling rapper, she's honest that she's in a tight situation with money and is learning to live within her newly-defined means. As a writer trying to make it in the proverbial Big Apple, I completely identify with living #thestruggle and I'm glad it's finally being addressed realistically.

BSH is on Sundays at 9pm ET on Bravo.

Geneva Thomas opened up about hustling in the media business only to make peanuts (tell it, honey!) and she also admitted that money is also tight for her. Two of the women on the show (Brie Bythewood and Daisy Lewellyn) come from wealthy backgrounds already but, all in all, these women are not housewives.  They're a modern representation of todays' women and living embodiments that success comes primarily through connections, a lot of elbow grease and opportunities. I'm sure, just like all reality shows, there will be fresh weaves, new sets of teeth, and grandiloquent homes for all the women involved as the seasons continue. But for now, they are definitely putting their heels--or should I say, flats--to the pavement and making it work.

An Education

My title may have swayed your mind into thinking that this post is related to the movie, but it's actually about education. I've been seriously looking into Teach for America the past couple of months and it may have been because of my proximity to the Philadelphia education system. Since discovering something other than the adequate education I received growing up, it's been an issue that I've become more and more passionate about, leading to countless discussions and debates relating to the topic.

Today I had yet another discussion (albeit an accidental one) regarding education. This time, the discussion centered around a comment I made about education being free. Apparently, my counterpart had the idea that education is something that can only be paid for. I drew this conclusion by his statement that he was giving himself a free education by researching things online. I responded to this by asserting that most education is already free. He said he would need to research that and I told him that my point exactly is that not everything can be researched.

Some things you just have to experience to fully understand. I found myself explaining that the meaning of education is the acquiring of knowledge. Nowhere does it say that education must be paid for, therefore you can't refer to learning as getting "free" education. Anytime you're learning something, you're getting an education, regardless of whether or not it's free.

I've known plenty of people who didn't go to college but are still very smart and very successful. There are people who learn from the streets, from hard life experiences (see Slumdog Millionaire) or by simply being curious minds who thirst for knowledge on their own terms.

This just goes to show that you can take your education beyond the classroom, deeper. You're not limited to whatever reading your professor assigns you. You have the ability to seek out information for yourself, be it in a textbook at your local library or on Google. The Internet is literally knowledge at our fingertips, though most would rather spend it twatching or Facebook stalking.

Be a thinker. Be your own thinker. Share what you know, learn what you can, open your mind. xoxo

10 Things All Single People Must Do

     I found this really cool list on Yahoo that I think would really help out some single people out there. The main reason why single people hate being single, in my opinion, is a lack of independence and self-esteem. I hear a lot of people (mostly girls) complain about how miserable they are being single, but they don't see the positive things that come out of being your own person. This list should give you somewhere to start, although number two kinda creeps me out (BTW this is verbatim from the article):

1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome.

2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days.

3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again.

 4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out!

5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive.

6. Have a real adventure. Learn to fly a plane, surf some big waves, or start your own business. Give yourself a thrill by doing something just for you, just for the experience — without having someone at home worrying about you or nagging you not to. Oh, and one more gift with purchase: Think about how much fun you’ll have telling your next date about your daring experience.

7. Learn how to take care of yourself. Being solo shouldn’t keep you from cooking for yourself, so learn how to make an impressive meal for one (even if it’s mac and cheese with your own added favorite extra thrown in). While you’re at it, learn how to back up your hard drive and sew on replacement buttons. You’ll feel strong and self-sufficient — and you’ll be armed with skills to share when you are in a relationship.

8. Buy something hugely impractical just because you love it. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll start thinking about your partner before you purchase pricey items — not just “Will he or she hate it?” but “Is this where I want to be putting my money if we’re saving for a wedding?” The single life means a single bank account and an excuse to blow a wad of cash without (some of the) guilt. So, make yourself happy and buy something you crave, whether it’s an expensive vintage movie poster or a decked-out mountain bike.

9. Develop a hobby. Learn to woodwork, play acoustic guitar, speak French, DJ on turntables, or make digital short films for fun. Of course you can (and should) still have hobbies when you’re dating someone, but your solo time is prime time to devote yourself to something that makes life more interesting for you — and makes you more interesting to others.


10. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. Why? Because you’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you.


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     Remember, if you need a significant other to make you feel whole, you're probably suffering from low self-esteem. It's okay to want a lover every now and then, but you don't need it. You're probably more likely to end up settling for less than you deserve. Appreciate the freedom that comes with being single. Following these might help boost your confidence. Or, just hire a therapist.

(Photo courtesy of Lachlan Rogers.)