Blood, Sweat,…Flats

I've always wondered how women manage to stroll around New York City with skyscraper-like heels like it's nothing. I don't regularly take cabs nor do I have the luxury of being driven around in a town car so, in my NYC experience, there's a lot of walking involved. Plenty of commuters (specifically those commuting to and from work) slip out of the heels and into something more practical until they've reached their destination, but I guess what the truth comes down to is this: some women are just pushing way past the pain.

Well, on tonight's episode of Bravo's new hit reality television show Blood, Sweat and Heels, former video model Melyssa Ford admitted she's one of those women. But as her boss brazenly told her, if you really wanna get stuff accomplished, stop trying to look cute and get some flats, girl. So I'm assuming (rather, hoping) that the women strutting around in heels have already paid their dues in flats.

Demetria (center, left) was our featured speaker
back in 2011 (I'm on the far right in bright yellow!).

Okay, I'm jumping into this a little fast. Let's start from the beginning. BSH premiered last week on Bravo to the highest first-time ratings in the network's reality-focused history. It features six women balancing success and their personal lives in the Concrete Jungle. Admittedly, the only two I know are Melyssa Ford and Demetria Lucas. Demetria, of course, is a journalist, blogger and author whom, a few years back, my organization hired to speak at our event when I was still at Temple.

We all knew her as an editor of Essence magazine and as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw" (a title bestowed upon her by the very own Washington Post) so we were excited that such a prominent figure in the media industry was even giving our little start-up the time of day. Demetria and I met again a week ago (she remembered!) when she threw a premiere viewing party in Brooklyn. I had made it from MD -> Philly -> NYC following her formula and she was as fabulous and pleasant as ever. We hugged, she gave me some advice and we even high-fived about being honest

Reunited a little over 2 years later at
the premiere party of BSH in BK.

journalists who don't hold back and don't apologize for our audacity.

If it hadn't been for the fact that Demetria was on the show, it honestly would've probably slipped under my radar. After all, when you premiere three new shows a week, it becomes a bit much and the quality starts to lack, Bravo. I still have mixed reactions to it but, so far, I can't say I'm disappointed. One of the things that stuck out to me was how real the girls are. When there are reality shows in existence called Rich Kids of Beverly Hills, you start to get the feeling that these shows are here only to remind you that you're a bum and other people eat meals that cost more than your rent.

It was nice to see on tonight's episode that nobody was putting on airs about the lifestyle they live. Melyssa Ford, especially, has been a pleasant surprise. She's a very likable woman and is clearly not one to stir the pot. She also has the potential to be making a lot of money on her name but is instead choosing to turn over a new leaf and do it the hard way. After a break-up with a high-rolling rapper, she's honest that she's in a tight situation with money and is learning to live within her newly-defined means. As a writer trying to make it in the proverbial Big Apple, I completely identify with living #thestruggle and I'm glad it's finally being addressed realistically.

BSH is on Sundays at 9pm ET on Bravo.

Geneva Thomas opened up about hustling in the media business only to make peanuts (tell it, honey!) and she also admitted that money is also tight for her. Two of the women on the show (Brie Bythewood and Daisy Lewellyn) come from wealthy backgrounds already but, all in all, these women are not housewives.  They're a modern representation of todays' women and living embodiments that success comes primarily through connections, a lot of elbow grease and opportunities. I'm sure, just like all reality shows, there will be fresh weaves, new sets of teeth, and grandiloquent homes for all the women involved as the seasons continue. But for now, they are definitely putting their heels--or should I say, flats--to the pavement and making it work.

Movie Review: Not Exactly Your Grandmother's Gatsby

Critics' reviews for Baz Luhrmann's interpretation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's culturally and generationally transcendent masterpiece, The Great Gatsby, have been mixed, to be coy. If I could shout anything from the rooftops in response to seeing this film, it'd be this: the common denominator for enjoying this movie is Luhrmann. If you come into it expecting to see, not only an American classic, but a Luhrmann film, in all its gaudy, festive glory, you should walk out of the theater having enjoyed yourself.

However, if you want to see the book played out before you exactly the way Fitzgerald wrote it, be warned. After all, this is the same guy who dressed Harold Perrineau in drag as a Black Mercutio. What were you really expecting?

Movie poster for Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby

If anything, Luhrmann is allowed to take liberties with the story because, at this point in time, who hasn't either read the book (even if it was only because you had to in high school) or seen one of the films? We all know the story well: the central themes of opulence, the American Dream, the decadence and restlessness of the Jazz Age. The callousness of love and the lengths we would go to in order to hold onto it, no matter how far away it is. And we are reminded that it can seem impossibly far away, even if it's just across the bay. 

Still, knowing how the story ends allows us to feel everything so much more profoundly. All of Gatsby's boyish optimism about his future with Daisy is heartbreaking because we want to believe it with him, as we did when we first encountered the story, but we know the tragedy that awaits him for wanting so badly things he simply wasn't "born with," as Tom Buchanan puts it. But our knowledge of the material, and the high pedestal on which we place Gatsby, can also be a downfall for a director who has to impress a cynical audience. We know what we're looking for in each of the roles and Luhrmann's way of introducing his reincarnated characters seems to be a grand reveal that drags on a bit long or comes off a bit too forced. For example, Daisy's first appearance is only her hand and the sound of her childlike giggles. You see a body part here and there as she is slowly uncoiled among a room of excessively billowing white curtains, until she is finally uncovered, emerging like an angel from the sea of milky white. Except, it doesn't really end up having that impact. It's more, "Get to the point, already! We know it's Carey Mulligan."

Now, it wouldn't be a true Baz Luhrmann film if it didn't have two things: an audacious, scene-stealing soundtrack and an outrageous party scene. Give Luhrmann a party scene and he becomes a kid in a candy store. "It's like an amusement park!" Nick beams wondrously at his first Gatsby party. And an amusement park it is. Luhrmann's ability to create a party scene in which everyone appears to be on acid is no new feat. Creating an ambiance of the craziest party you've ever been to is a trademark of his most famous films (again, Harold Perrineau, white wig, shimmery ensemble). But it's unfortunately not enough to make the first half of this movie any less draggy than it ended up (no pun intended, there was no cross-dressing in this film). 

The second half, I will say, surprisingly stuck pretty closely to the book and the 1974 film. And that's where it takes the cake. Although I thoroughly enjoyed Robert Redford as Gatsby and loved hating Mia Farrow as Daisy, that movie (146 minutes long) seemed to go on forever. This one (143 minutes long), while the scenes could have been shorter, was at least entertaining to look at. And to listen to. With all the hype and controversy surrounding the film's soundtrack, it's safe to say that it was hard not to notice all the modern music these 20s characters were dancing to (at one point, a group of African Americans pass by the central characters in a car being driven by a White man, while they sip champagne and blast Jay-Z's "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)"). 

But with that being said, most of the songs barely appeared for more than a passing moment. I was able to make out the opening lyrics of Florence + the Machine's dramatic ballad "Over the Love" before it left as quickly as it came. I also heard a glimpse of the barely recognizable Beyonce cover of "Back in Black" before that, too, faded away in a flash. At the end of it all, it was Jay-Z and Lana Del Rey who were the clear centerpieces of the film. Jay-Z's "$100 Bill," "No Church in the Wild," "Who Gon Stop Me" and "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)" appeared in the film/trailer. 

But Luhrmann makes it clear that Del Rey's "Young and Beautiful," which he co-wrote with her, is the real star here. The song surfaces, ever changing, several times throughout Daisy and Gatsby's encounters and really reminds you of the beautiful synergy between film and music. Sometimes, certain films are elevated by their scores and soundtracks. Similarly, certain songs are more powerful in the context of a scene. This is the case for "Young and Beautiful." While it's another musical triumph for Del Rey, on its own, it doesn't reach the crescendo, the grand finale, that you want it to. In the context of Gatsby and Daisy reuniting for the first time in years and staring ravenously into each other's eyes, it's enough to give you goosebumps. It works perfectly as the theme song of Daisy's life, and her sorrowful, passionate, if not vapid, relationship with Gatsby.

DiCaprio as Gatsby, anxiously awaiting a reunion with Daisy (Mulligan)

While I may have (and perhaps still kind of do) have my reservations about the modernized soundtrack (I would have liked to hear an Eight to the Bar song), it speaks to my earlier reference that the story of Gatsby is intergenerational. It works as well in 2013 as it did in the 20s, 40s and 70s. And it's even more so exemplified in people like Jay-Z, who can easily be considered a hip-hop Gatsby. He went from poverty to extreme wealth, prestige and being married to one of the most beautiful and powerful women on the planet (who, interestingly enough, comes from money...see what I did there?). The soundtrack is an interpretation itself of how we interpret a universal theme all these years later from a pastiche of our favorite artists across multiple genres of music. 

And of course, the film could have completely flopped if not for proper casting. Leonardo DiCaprio recalls his earlier boyishness as Gatsby, making you fall for him all over again in a way you haven't since Jack Dawson. Tobey Maguire is a perfect wallflower as the observant and perceptive Nick Carraway. Newcomer Elizabeth Debicki is stunning, yet understated, as bystander Jordan. Carey Mulligan makes for a Daisy that is more difficult to hate as she doesn't appear as vain and materialistic (probably more a result of the writing), but fairy-ish and aloof nonetheless. Joel Edgerton is deliciously virile and wicked as Tom Buchanan. And some nice surprises appear, such as Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan as Meyer Wolfsheim. 

I could go on, but I've already given you a mouthful to chew on while you contemplate how you'll feel about the remastered Gatsby. It's not perfect, and I certainly WOULD NOT recommend seeing it in 3D, but all in all, give it a fair and honest try, go in with a complete open mind and remember: it's definitely not your grandmother's Gatsby.

I Swear I Always Fall for Your Type

       Drake said it best in his sleeper hit, "Same Mistakes" aka "Fall for Your Type." Love is difficult because you want it so bad that you fall into certain traps. Some people settle. Let it be known in this moment that I am not one of those people. But I suppose I can understand why that is. In the pursuit of love, we tend create our ideal scenarios in our heads and expect things to play out in real life exactly the way they do in our fantasies. These people focus more on the circumstances of falling in love than the person they fall for.

      The other group of people do the exact opposite. We fall victim to is narrowly defining a "type." This is the guy/girl that fits all of our, usually vapid and pointless, criteria. We take pieces of different people and construct this "ideal" person, and we refuse to settle for anything less. Or we prioritize all the wrong qualities to begin with. We'd rather have him look like Ryan Gosling than be a complete gentleman. I'm no better. I'm a Libra and therefore consumed by my vanity. As much as I hate to admit it, looks mean so much to me. And it's not just the guy's looks but how he wears it, how he carries it.

      While my definition of good-looking is not one-dimensional, I do have a tendency to, every now and then, want what every other girl wants. This guy will be the heartthrob, the guy that girls do stupid shit for. The guy that knows how hot he is but will never actually admit that he does, thus leading you to think that he's so humble and sweet. But you can't hold on to this guy. He'll never belong to you. He doesn't belong to anyone. So after he's swept through your life like a hurricane and left his mark, you're left shaking your head, thinking to yourself exactly what Drake says in his song. But you do it all over again, don't you? Stop.

Now Playing... Gin Wigmore

Let me start off by saying that I have a thing for these soulful, sultry, raspy, whiskey and cigarettes voices. I appreciate a beautiful girl with a beautiful mind and voice to match. Gin Wigmore is one of these underrated artists. Granted, she's a star in her native New Zealand, but America has yet to discover her brilliance. But they probably wouldn't care anyway. America likes what it likes and there's a certain formula here that makes you a star. Hopefully, we can stop obsessing over the predictable and give stars like Gin Wigmore a chance to shine.

"Too Late for Lovers" is a single off her orgasm of a debut album, Holy Smoke. The CD went quadruple platinum in NZ (note: platinum in ZK is selling 15,000 copies). A little bit of background: Wigmore won the US International Songwriting Competition in 2004 for her song "Hallelujah," which she wrote in memory of her father. She was the youngest and only unsigned writer in the history of the competition. Holy smoke.




"All I see are angels. I am no angel."

Why Didn't He Call You, You Ask?

Hmmm....

     Just because you're hot doesn't mean he'll call. Just because he didn't call doesn't mean you're not hot. You may just be annoying. If you wanna steer clear of driving your date away, take this advice from dating coach Evan Marc Katz. It's the five reasons why he didn't call you.

Reason #1: You talk, but don’t listen


Women are sharers. It’s culturally ingrained. You may talk to your best friend or mom five times a day and think nothing of it. Every detail is relevant, and nothing can be left out in the telling of a story. Problem is, men don’t generally communicate that way. So try to consider the ebb and flow of a normal conversation. If he hasn’t spoken in awhile, ask him a question (and not a vague “So tell me about you,” which will make feel self-conscious and put on the spot). If he’s telling a story, try doing a follow-up query instead of refocusing the spotlight on yourself (“You like to travel? Let me tell you about how I backpacked through the Amazon!”). And if it’s occurred to you that you haven’t yet learned a thing about your date, try listening for a bit. It’s not that we’re not interested in getting to know you, it’s that we’d be thrilled if you were interested in getting to know us, too.
 
 
Reason #2: You use conversation as therapy


Talking about your evil ex-boyfriend. Talking about your hatred of your job. Talking about your strained relationship with your mother. It’s not that the bad stuff is irrelevant, it’s that it’s inappropriate. Being negative might be an effective way of winning an election, but it’s not exactly endearing on a date. Even if you feel compelled to touch on such subjects, consider your tone when doing so. And consider how you’d feel if a man were to share his inner turmoil with you too soon.


Reason #3: You’re a little too enthusiastic about him

It’s normal to get excited about a date with potential. It’s normal to consider what kind of husband that date might be. It was also normal to write your grade school crush’s name on the back of your notebook… but you wouldn’t show it to him, would you? Of course not! There’s an unwritten rule in dating that governs the energy flow between a man and a woman: when one party tries too hard, the other party pulls back. If a stranger has ever bought you a costly gift on the first date or called you seven times the day after you had coffee, you know what I mean. We’re not saying you should act cold; just don’t get carried away in front of him. Keep your projections to yourself until you have a better idea whether your affections are reciprocated or not.


Reason #4: Your idea of chit-chat is politics, religion and other heavy topics

So you don’t complain about your ex, your boss or your mom. But you have a bone to pick with the President, the U.N. and the Pope. Hey, if your date is up for a surprise appearance on Meet the Press, that’s cool. Just know that not everybody likes to swim in the deep end of the pool so early. Sometimes, you’re better off sticking with banter about favorite travel spots or good movies or even funny online dates from the past. It’s not that intellectual topics should be off-limits, but until you know where someone lands on the political spectrum, you may want to tread lightly.


Reason #5: You’re not relating to him — you’re testing him

Dating should be fun. Getting to know a fascinating stranger, sharing information about yourself to an interested date… these are the things that keep us optimistic about the process. Where it all goes wrong is when you inadvertently turn him into a defendant and yourself into the prosecuting attorney. “How long was your last relationship?” “Where do you see yourself in two years?” “Do you want kids someday?” The answers to these questions are really important — they may well determine whether you choose to see him again — but great dates do not occur on a hot seat or under a microscope. Try reading between the lines instead of asking him these things point-blank.


Ahem, now back to Franco.

Why Researchers Think Women Should Settle

     Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit dramatic about it, but I don't think I agree with what this study is saying. The Journal of Family Psychology recently published a research study that suggests that if a woman marries a less attractive man, she is likelier to have a more fulfilling marriage.

     Apparently, what the study found was that when women are in relationships with men who are better looking than they are, their mates tend to be less supportive and attentive because they know they can do better and have other options. On the other hand, men who are less attractive tend to feel so grateful to be with someone who is better-looking, that they are more likely to be supportive, attentive and please you more in bed, ultimately leading to a happy relationship.

     What this says to me is that good-looking guys are shallow assholes who will treat you like shit because you don't look like Kim Kardashian. This is a broad subject that has led to a very narrow conclusion. There is more to a woman's beauty than the size of her waist and the curve of her face. A man, like women, takes into consideration more than just her outer beauty. A woman's inner beauty can make her so much more beautiful on the outside. So even if her man is physically better-looking than she is, he can--and should-- feel lucky to be with her regardless.

     Yes, there is a good moral to this: looks should not be everything. A woman should not choose a guy simply based on his looks, and she should know that she deserves to be treated with the utmost care and respect. With that said, can't we have the same moral for men? Shouldn't they be okay with less attractive women? Shouldn't people who aren't considered conventionally beautiful still be aware that they have many options as well, and don't have to settle?

     I could go on and on about this topic, but I won't. I simply want to make a point: we all have options and we shouldn't ever just settle because we think it might not get much better. With that said, we should not have unrealistic expectations of who we want our mates to be. When you find someone who makes you feel the way you want to feel, I think you'll know it and it will happen the way it's supposed to happen. Meanwhile, I encourage you to read more about this and I'm curious to hear what you come up with.

10 Beauty Things That Guys Find Sexy

     As a woman, I know how it is to obsess over every damn detail of your body. From your hair down to your toes and every curve and jiggle in between. We're all on a constant mission to achieve the perfect body. The bad news: guys really don't care. They love the jiggle, the un-flattened hair, the chemical-free face, and even our embarrassing, oddball habits. If you don't believe it, the proof is in this list from MSN Lifestyle:

1. When you bare it all. Apparently, the average woman (certainly not I) spends about $200 a year on makeup. That's gross. But most men would rather see us bare and natural. Two guys are quoted verbalizing their disdain for lip gloss and all its sticky wonder. Other guys gush over how beautiful their girlfriends look first thing in the morning and when they've just gotten out of the shower. One guy even claims he was attracted to his girlfriend because she didn't wear makeup and therefore appeared as if she didn't care to be noticed. Think about that the next time you decide to torture yourself with that awful mess put on makeup.

2. Your belly. All those hours spent doing doing countless ab exercises in an attempt to flatten your belly, or "fit into your jeans by Friday" (as if) are wasted if you're doing them to impress your guy. Chances are, he loves your curves, the rotundness of your belly, and, yes....your love handles.

3. When you do that thing you do. Your funky little habits that others find unbearable, he may actually find adorable. Whether it's your terrible shower tunes, your love of celebrity culture (ahem), or your messiness. He may actually grow to love the quirky thing that makes you...well, you.

4. When you toss the hair dryer. And by hair dryer, that means flatiron, curling iron, and all other fancy hair products that take up too much of your time. He actually likes your hair curly the way it is. Now, I'm adding my own disclaimer for black girls: I give you....a free pass. Because the world will never understand what we go through and what our hair looks like sans treatment (and we don't intend for them to find out).

5. Your eyelashes. Strange, but it seems that the eyelashes may be the hallway that leads to the window to your soul. Men say they love women's eyelashes because it draws them into their eyes. Oh la la.

6. Your legs. Must I go on? Side note: I've been seeing too many women who bare their legs but neglect to shave. Please stop.

7. Your style! This one makes me particularly happy because I've always been ragged on about my style. You either love my wackiness and boldness or it makes you wanna vomit. But it's good to know that a guy will appreciate my desire to express myself through clothing, no matter how flamboyant. And your guy likes it, too. So you don't have to wear painful heels all the time or compete with Hollywood's leading "fashionistas". Just be yourself.

8. Your scent. Rawr. Men love it even more than we do! So next time while choosing a perfume or spray, pick a really nice scent that could possibly be your signature. He loves it when he can smell it on his sheets when you leave and how everytime he gets a whiff of it, he thinks of you.

9. When you ask for what you want. Men are not mind readers and they don't like to be treated as if they are. What is more frustrating than trying to figure out what someone wants when they refuse to tell you...and then they complain that they're not getting what they want! The best way to avoid this: be upfront and a little aggressive. If he's not doing the right things in bed, tell him what to do. He'll love it...and you will, too.

10. Your job. Not any job in particular, but yours. It may be that you work around kids, and he loves to see you around them because you're great with them. Or, that he loves to see you in your three-piece suit looking powerful and smart. Whatever it is, he loves to see you doing something you're passionate about and good at. It shows him you're intelligent, capable, and independent.

(Photo courtesy of Sue.)

10 Things All Single People Must Do

     I found this really cool list on Yahoo that I think would really help out some single people out there. The main reason why single people hate being single, in my opinion, is a lack of independence and self-esteem. I hear a lot of people (mostly girls) complain about how miserable they are being single, but they don't see the positive things that come out of being your own person. This list should give you somewhere to start, although number two kinda creeps me out (BTW this is verbatim from the article):

1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome.

2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days.

3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again.

 4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out!

5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive.

6. Have a real adventure. Learn to fly a plane, surf some big waves, or start your own business. Give yourself a thrill by doing something just for you, just for the experience — without having someone at home worrying about you or nagging you not to. Oh, and one more gift with purchase: Think about how much fun you’ll have telling your next date about your daring experience.

7. Learn how to take care of yourself. Being solo shouldn’t keep you from cooking for yourself, so learn how to make an impressive meal for one (even if it’s mac and cheese with your own added favorite extra thrown in). While you’re at it, learn how to back up your hard drive and sew on replacement buttons. You’ll feel strong and self-sufficient — and you’ll be armed with skills to share when you are in a relationship.

8. Buy something hugely impractical just because you love it. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll start thinking about your partner before you purchase pricey items — not just “Will he or she hate it?” but “Is this where I want to be putting my money if we’re saving for a wedding?” The single life means a single bank account and an excuse to blow a wad of cash without (some of the) guilt. So, make yourself happy and buy something you crave, whether it’s an expensive vintage movie poster or a decked-out mountain bike.

9. Develop a hobby. Learn to woodwork, play acoustic guitar, speak French, DJ on turntables, or make digital short films for fun. Of course you can (and should) still have hobbies when you’re dating someone, but your solo time is prime time to devote yourself to something that makes life more interesting for you — and makes you more interesting to others.


10. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. Why? Because you’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you.


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     Remember, if you need a significant other to make you feel whole, you're probably suffering from low self-esteem. It's okay to want a lover every now and then, but you don't need it. You're probably more likely to end up settling for less than you deserve. Appreciate the freedom that comes with being single. Following these might help boost your confidence. Or, just hire a therapist.

(Photo courtesy of Lachlan Rogers.)