Why Researchers Think Women Should Settle

     Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit dramatic about it, but I don't think I agree with what this study is saying. The Journal of Family Psychology recently published a research study that suggests that if a woman marries a less attractive man, she is likelier to have a more fulfilling marriage.

     Apparently, what the study found was that when women are in relationships with men who are better looking than they are, their mates tend to be less supportive and attentive because they know they can do better and have other options. On the other hand, men who are less attractive tend to feel so grateful to be with someone who is better-looking, that they are more likely to be supportive, attentive and please you more in bed, ultimately leading to a happy relationship.

     What this says to me is that good-looking guys are shallow assholes who will treat you like shit because you don't look like Kim Kardashian. This is a broad subject that has led to a very narrow conclusion. There is more to a woman's beauty than the size of her waist and the curve of her face. A man, like women, takes into consideration more than just her outer beauty. A woman's inner beauty can make her so much more beautiful on the outside. So even if her man is physically better-looking than she is, he can--and should-- feel lucky to be with her regardless.

     Yes, there is a good moral to this: looks should not be everything. A woman should not choose a guy simply based on his looks, and she should know that she deserves to be treated with the utmost care and respect. With that said, can't we have the same moral for men? Shouldn't they be okay with less attractive women? Shouldn't people who aren't considered conventionally beautiful still be aware that they have many options as well, and don't have to settle?

     I could go on and on about this topic, but I won't. I simply want to make a point: we all have options and we shouldn't ever just settle because we think it might not get much better. With that said, we should not have unrealistic expectations of who we want our mates to be. When you find someone who makes you feel the way you want to feel, I think you'll know it and it will happen the way it's supposed to happen. Meanwhile, I encourage you to read more about this and I'm curious to hear what you come up with.

10 Things All Single People Must Do

     I found this really cool list on Yahoo that I think would really help out some single people out there. The main reason why single people hate being single, in my opinion, is a lack of independence and self-esteem. I hear a lot of people (mostly girls) complain about how miserable they are being single, but they don't see the positive things that come out of being your own person. This list should give you somewhere to start, although number two kinda creeps me out (BTW this is verbatim from the article):

1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome.

2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days.

3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again.

 4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out!

5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive.

6. Have a real adventure. Learn to fly a plane, surf some big waves, or start your own business. Give yourself a thrill by doing something just for you, just for the experience — without having someone at home worrying about you or nagging you not to. Oh, and one more gift with purchase: Think about how much fun you’ll have telling your next date about your daring experience.

7. Learn how to take care of yourself. Being solo shouldn’t keep you from cooking for yourself, so learn how to make an impressive meal for one (even if it’s mac and cheese with your own added favorite extra thrown in). While you’re at it, learn how to back up your hard drive and sew on replacement buttons. You’ll feel strong and self-sufficient — and you’ll be armed with skills to share when you are in a relationship.

8. Buy something hugely impractical just because you love it. Once you’re in a relationship, you’ll start thinking about your partner before you purchase pricey items — not just “Will he or she hate it?” but “Is this where I want to be putting my money if we’re saving for a wedding?” The single life means a single bank account and an excuse to blow a wad of cash without (some of the) guilt. So, make yourself happy and buy something you crave, whether it’s an expensive vintage movie poster or a decked-out mountain bike.

9. Develop a hobby. Learn to woodwork, play acoustic guitar, speak French, DJ on turntables, or make digital short films for fun. Of course you can (and should) still have hobbies when you’re dating someone, but your solo time is prime time to devote yourself to something that makes life more interesting for you — and makes you more interesting to others.


10. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. Why? Because you’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you.


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     Remember, if you need a significant other to make you feel whole, you're probably suffering from low self-esteem. It's okay to want a lover every now and then, but you don't need it. You're probably more likely to end up settling for less than you deserve. Appreciate the freedom that comes with being single. Following these might help boost your confidence. Or, just hire a therapist.

(Photo courtesy of Lachlan Rogers.)